Text Me When You Get Home

A few weeks ago, I was trying to find a quote that I couldn’t quite remember. I had a vague idea what the subject was so googled, “what are women most afraid of?”
The first result was ‘Why are women afraid? Women are scared any crime could lead to rape.’

The quote I was searching for is, “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

In 1982, those words were said – not in that order – at a lecture by Margaret Atwood. In 1982 I was 13. I knew about the Yorkshire Ripper and living in the North of England I do remember the fear despite not really understanding what exactly to fear. As a child, I knew that I shouldn’t talk to strangers and especially not to ever get into a stranger’s car. It never really occurred to me that this picture is wrong. I didn’t think that it was something that 39 years later would still be the advice to all women. I have just always accepted it as being part of being female.
“Text me when you get home” is something women say to their girlfriends at the end of a night out. Today is the first time I’ve really thought about that.

One day when I was a teenager waiting for a bus, a woman pulled up, asked me where I was going and then said she’d give me a lift. As she was a woman, I thought it would be okay but I didn’t know her so I refused. She was persistent and got angry. When I repeatedly said no, she eventually wheel spun off at great speed. That memory still haunts me.
I used to work with children and every day we had to check the staffroom’s notice board to check there were no flagged details of car makes and registrations of potential predators from the local police.

Every time there’s been a debate about the ride-hailing apps, I add my voice to explain how they have changed my life. When Uber started in London it made getting home safer because it was affordable. The industry I work in means there are late boozy nights and although there’s 24-hour bus route quite close to where I live, it’s a quiet area.
I live in a good postcode. That doesn’t mean there aren’t sexual assaults reported in my neighbourhood because there are.

It’s been a while since I’ve had to walk to my home from the bus stop late at night but I do remember what that walk looks like. I walk in the middle of the road so I’m not next to any bushes or gardens. I put my phone on silent and then have a conversation with an imaginary person waiting for me at home. Sometimes I say I can see them and even wave at them.
When I get my keys out, I hold them so that one sticks out, weapon like.
I don’t like people (men) walking behind me but regardless I try to walk with purpose & adopt a body movement to look like someone you better not mess with.
This should sound like a ridiculous performance but I bet that all of my female friends do something similar.

I notice that if I haven’t had a drink, I feel even more unsafe – like the fear factor kicks in instead of the alcohol. Next time I go out, should I not drink? Should I get home when it’s still light? Should I share my location with a friend? Shall I always get a cab home?
Everyone should have the right to freely walk wherever and whenever they like with zero fear of being intimidated and verbally or physically attacked.

Sometimes me and my friends do remember to text to say we’re home safe, most of the time we don’t bother but often I will wake up to a message asking if I got home ok. Why shouldn’t I be?
We need to know our girlfriends are safe because their gender means there’s a chance they won’t be.